I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I love having hate sex.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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