Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
