If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
