my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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