I cockslap morals
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
