I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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