It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
