I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
