very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
