I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
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I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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