foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
