She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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