Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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