Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
