i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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