Redeem this text for a blowjob
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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