break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
