LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
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It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
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Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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