Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
