he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
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My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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