i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
