If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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