I can't breathe out the right side of my face
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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