Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
