I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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