Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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