They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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