Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
