ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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