best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
