I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
