bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
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she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
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His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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