I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
