i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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