i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
