I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
