What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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