eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
