You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
