if you like me you must not know who I am
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
