The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
