And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
