I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You dont lie about slip and slides
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize