Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?