Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.