can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
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I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
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Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?