We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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