Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
