I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
