At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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