I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The struggles of a small town man whore
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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