he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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