hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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