Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
