This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i used baking grease as lip gloss
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
