Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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